On Visible Problems & Hidden Solutions - a dialogue

My colleague, a long-timed employee of our company often complained of not getting full cooperation from staff of other departments no matter how hard she tried. Recently, over a lunch chat she was whining away at her quandary, inviting a response from me.
Looking at her expressionless for a brief moment I said, “Knowing you, the solution to your problem is not in anyway near or in your problem”.
“Whazzat?” she replied, puzzlingly.
“Then let me share this with you. I also happen to know of a handful of people out there who wouldn’t touch you with a 10-foot pole, let alone working with you”.
Startled, she blurted disbelievingly, “Is it? You must be kidding! But why?”

I paused briefly and continued, “Believe it or not, it’s true and it’s about you, the image of you in their minds and the “vibes” you generate. I can observe that you are unaware that they have a negative image of you, even though you have not done them any harm. Also, the image of you can precede you in a way that someone whom you have little or no dealings with could developed an unfavorable impression of you using data from the others who know you. Likewise many would, in an environment where they have to occasionally deal with people indirectly so as to find out more about who they’re dealing with”.

“Next, you are obviously unaware that the “vibes” you generate from your body language (behavior), the things you say and the way you say them, are all your signatures. People around you can easily feel whether you are friendly, sincere or otherwise. Consider this, if you dislike a person for some reason, whatever the person utters is always either wrong or debatable to you, even though what is said is right. Usually if unprompted, this would be your natural response. So unfortunately in your case, not many people here are enthusiastic about working with you because they feel uncomfortable and without telling you openly, express it in non-cooperation. That’s why you’re experiencing this problem without being able to detect or establish the cause”.

At that juncture, I was not ready or capable enough to help her to resolve the complexity of her plight except to identify the salient causes.

Therefore in life, if we are not mindful we can be inflicted with many such problems where the solutions are well hidden away and not discovered even on our way to the grave. So we continue to wallow in a quagmire filled with them because our minds are deluded by skewed values blocking the view to our real selves. Unwittingly, we keep on blaming others for our predicaments. If we could only stand in front of a mirror each morning and ask ourselves whether we are happy with what we see, the answer could well be in that image.

Blessed are those who are and joyful of what they see. Otherwise, we seriously need to reinvent ourselves …