On Adultery

Often, I've been asked what my views on adultery are. To that, I feel there are some things marriage councilors don't always tell us before a couple signs on the dotted line "for the better or worse" or even after adultery has been committed. Most marrying couples in their self-induced bliss are usually oblivious to the fact that the union comes as a package. Like everything else in marriage from health to sickness, bliss to grief, pleasure to pain, adultery is one. There is of course, no "bed of roses" and getting to "happily ever after" is hard work indeed. Then again, at the point of exchanging those devout and ideal vows, none would be attentive enough to listen anyway. Least to say, the vows don't guarantee partnerships' successes even under the most stringent of cultural and social rules.

Henceforth, when adultery occurs; often for the victim the cookie crumbles. But if one understands what the contract entails should have no reason to panic. It takes a mature mind to do this and by and large, the younger the couple, the more susceptible they are to delusive and idealistic thinking. In such a partnership, accepting the good and bad, positives and negatives and rights and wrongs, is a question of individual values and judgments at whichever point of time. Even during the aftermath, the contract also neither calls for the salvaging nor rescinding of a relationship.

However, under the traumatic conditions of adultery, the natural response to this type of view would be, "It's easier said than done". But think again ... although one's happiness is at stake, life doesn't stop there. There are multitudes of the hurt finding contentment after the impact wears out. Suffice to say that at the beginning, getting married is a decision, and now it is still a decision to resolve the predicament.

In the process of surviving and recovering from the emotional crisis, all other matters should be held secondary so as not to cloud the mind from formulating a painful and/or practical solution. Difficult, but necessary since it is also going to be an endurance exercise as well. Similarly, certain religious, social and cultural “should be or must be" values have to be temporarily shelved from influencing the decision that is to be made. But always remember, the sun shines tomorrow and the next day no matter what direction the solution takes. Life has to go on ... pieces to be picked up ... emotional housecleaning administered ... lifestyles revamped ... and the good thing is, time is a great healer ...